DEMOCRATS ACCEPT BUSH WITHDRAWAL TIMETABLE - ISRAELIS IN SHOCK

In a frantic effort to reach a last minute war funding compromise the weakened Bush Administration backed off from its earlier promise to veto any bill that contained a timetable for the withdrawal of troops from Iraq. The facts behind the compromise are as follows.

April 26, 2007 @ 4:00 a.m. President Bush sends a communiqué to Democratic Party leaders Reid and Pelosi that he is prepared to withdraw troops from Iraq when “Hell freezes over.”

April 26, 2007 @ 7:08 a.m. Senator Reid and Speaker Pelosi inform the White House the timetable is insufferable as scientific estimates for global warming indicate temperatures in New Jersey will rise, not fall, and thus precludes ice covering it.

April 26, 2007 @ 8:33 a.m. Campaign advisor Clotaire Raphille contacts the White House and reminds President Bush the primal always wins and he should continue to emulate Moses leading the people to the Promised Land. In short, Raphille suggests 40 years. President Bush agrees.

November 3, 2008 @ 9:25 a.m. Democrats debate proposal, experience brain meltdown and accept offer and claim victory.

Although still early, reaction is pouring in. PM Olmert’s office has released the following statement: “Israel is a small country caught in the vortex of historical change. But, forty years of Condolisa Rice shuttling between Jerusalem, Jordan and Baghdad - it will finish us.” Benjamin Netanyahu was equally opposed, “Forty years of Rice? Hell, four years of Texas take-out barbecue will finish us! The White House has not yet responded to the Israeli demand the President immediately attend and address a full session of the Knesset, although Democrat’s are hopeful.

Crowds, from Haifa to Tel Aviv are filling the streets. Amidst the renting of clothes a chant seems to be rising. Stay with us the crystal ball is spotty. People seem to be saying - no, they’re crying, “Lord, why us!”