STUNNING REVELATIONS IN CORZINE-KATZ EMAILS

I’ve been around for a long, long time. And, in my low opinion, Republican moral rectitude is my favorite sin. Honest. Always so hopeful that blowing smoke will hoodwink people into thinking there’s a fire. Always on message and the message is down and dirty! Hot and nasty! Trash and bash! In short, our kind of people.

So, to get any Governor Corzine and Ms. Katz emails Ole Nick and I conjured petitioning a real American judge with a real American jury. We always try to be fair and balanced, so we thought about asking Morristown Mayor Donald “With-Out-Passport” Cresitello to be the judge. And, we only fished for all the emails ever sent that are related or unrelated to interaction(s) as Governor and Union leader. C.J. Zazalli was busy giving speeches about pay increases but some law clerk granted summary judgment in our favor. The clerk held “the facts be damned. Under the well established principle of ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ any possible distortion or misrepresentation and any resulting pain or suffering from said distortion or misrepresentation is the exact purpose of the Corzine-Katz email request and release. The fact the ethics matter at issue is without merit in law and an affront in fact is of no moment.”

Father Rabner’s instant motion for in-camera review of the emails prior to their release was summarily denied (We’re not that fair). Father Rabner’s next motion was for a stay pending appeal to the Higher Authority. That too was, obviously, also denied (remember where you are). The Authority did, however, intervene on its own (they’re so pushy). Higher Authority St. Venerio assumed jurisdiction, but forgot what he was doing and granted certiorari. In the unanimous, unrecorded decision (St. Poritz took notes), St. Venerio said: “If I remember correctly, the free-whimsy principle is the load star principle supporting all our law, including the damned if you do, damned if you don’t doctrine. Thus, while there may be sound legal, social policy and moral grounds for taking the case there are no good political reasons for further review. Decision Affirmed.” St. DeFrancesco did not participate in the decision.

So here’s the rest of this Faustian dream – a declassified, decrypted and delicious brew.

To: presidentyouknowwho@cwa1234567nj.com
Fr: dcodey1@exec.nj.us
Re: Brown Bag

Did I leave the bag with the bread at your place? XOXOXOXO.
P.S. keep using the above secret email addresses and decoder ring, ok?

To: dcodey1@exec.nj.us
Fr: presidentyouknowwho@cwa1234567nj.com
Re: Bread

Sorry it took so long to get back to you but Toricelli called again. It’s here but the bag was buried under the last Kinko copies of our “Secret State-Union Sellout and Cover-up Plan”. Ya know there doesn’t seem to be much bread in that bag! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO.

To: presidentyouknowwho@cwa1234567nj.com
Fr: dcodey1@exec.nj.us
Re: Drop-off Tomorrow

I’ll bring another loaf tomorrow. One other thing. I was thinking ahead. If the Republicans run out of their own bread I foresee they will probably be hungry to subpoena our emails so we better leave out the personal stuff. In the meantime would you order another 500 copies of the “Secret State-Union Sellout and Cover-up Plan?” Keep using the secret email addresses and decoder ring too! Thanks.

FEARLESS LEADER EXPOSES CORZINE & KATZ AS EVIL-DEED-DOERS

The more and more and more and more, etc., I was subjected to hearing what I first considered a Beavis and Butthead type accusation Governor Corzine and C.W.A. President Katz are covering up their politically improper personal influence over each other, the more it triggered my primal instinct that this is just another Republican Red Herring. Hell, given the Republican’s reliance on “slogans not programs” it seems natural for them to try diverting attention from their lack of any real analysis of the budget, or any basic understanding of how asset privatization increases or decreases cash flow, or any explanation of the basic math that tells us whether it’s a good or bad deal. And, I didn’t think they would touch the U.S. Attorney General’s dilemma. There’s no political percentage in that fear and loathing because Attorney General Gonzales may well become Attorney General Gonzo. Also, regardless of U.S. Attorney Christie’s current high profile, reputation management barrage, there’s a cold breeze running over that “Bushie’s” case files. No, I thought, Republicans are too busy worrying the FBI will tap their phones without a warrant and being sent to Guantanamo for interrogation (where taking the Fifth is not allowed).

But the more and more and more and more, etc., I heard the same accusation, over and over and over and over, etc., again, I somehow came to understand my superficial judgment was wrong. I can only explain my character defect, not excuse my being ethically challenged. Let me say by way of contrition that you can fool some of the people some of the time and, yes, I allowed myself to be fooled by my affinity for the now obvious, brazen, dazzling, spellbinding, supernatural Machiavellian and Marta Hari like personal behavior of Governor Corzine and Ms. Katz. Hey, what else can explain Bogota Mayor Steve Lonegan filing his grievance with the wrong adjudicative body? The fact the instructions for filing are in plain black and white can’t hold a candle to the mesmerizing force of the Corzine-Katz cabal. Why I’d bet these evil-deed-doers even made Gannett’s Bob Ingle forget to use Words That Work, like “specific not general”, “clear not hazy”, “certain not speculative”, “direct not tenuous” “by analogy” and “immediate”. Now that’s power!

There are those who say “the Governor and Ms. Katz had good times together – God Bless’em” or “the relationship change was amicable – God Bless’em”, or, even worse, “They ended it in a way that considered the children – God Bless’em.” To those people one can only say “You’re in the wrong place for that kind of religious talk.”

I only hope that I have learned my lesson. Never again will I allow something like the basic human chemistry and private textures of a personal relationship between a man and women to divert my attention from the truth, i.e. the Big One’s Absolute, Universal, Incontrovertible, and Self-Declared Proofs of Bad Character. And never, I swear never, will I get into a pissing contest with a sunk.

Your Kindred Spirit,
Mephistopheles