I’ve been around for a long, long time. And, in my low opinion, Republican moral rectitude is my favorite sin. Honest. Always so hopeful that blowing smoke will hoodwink people into thinking there’s a fire. Always on message and the message is down and dirty! Hot and nasty! Trash and bash! In short, our kind of people.
So, to get any Governor Corzine and Ms. Katz emails Ole Nick and I conjured petitioning a real American judge with a real American jury. We always try to be fair and balanced, so we thought about asking Morristown Mayor Donald “With-Out-Passport” Cresitello to be the judge. And, we only fished for all the emails ever sent that are related or unrelated to interaction(s) as Governor and Union leader. C.J. Zazalli was busy giving speeches about pay increases but some law clerk granted summary judgment in our favor. The clerk held “the facts be damned. Under the well established principle of ‘damned if you do, damned if you don’t’ any possible distortion or misrepresentation and any resulting pain or suffering from said distortion or misrepresentation is the exact purpose of the Corzine-Katz email request and release. The fact the ethics matter at issue is without merit in law and an affront in fact is of no moment.”
Father Rabner’s instant motion for in-camera review of the emails prior to their release was summarily denied (We’re not that fair). Father Rabner’s next motion was for a stay pending appeal to the Higher Authority. That too was, obviously, also denied (remember where you are). The Authority did, however, intervene on its own (they’re so pushy). Higher Authority St. Venerio assumed jurisdiction, but forgot what he was doing and granted certiorari. In the unanimous, unrecorded decision (St. Poritz took notes), St. Venerio said: “If I remember correctly, the free-whimsy principle is the load star principle supporting all our law, including the damned if you do, damned if you don’t doctrine. Thus, while there may be sound legal, social policy and moral grounds for taking the case there are no good political reasons for further review. Decision Affirmed.” St. DeFrancesco did not participate in the decision.
So here’s the rest of this Faustian dream – a declassified, decrypted and delicious brew.
To: presidentyouknowwho@cwa1234567nj.com
Fr: dcodey1@exec.nj.us
Re: Brown Bag
Did I leave the bag with the bread at your place? XOXOXOXO.
P.S. keep using the above secret email addresses and decoder ring, ok?
To: dcodey1@exec.nj.us
Fr: presidentyouknowwho@cwa1234567nj.com
Re: Bread
Sorry it took so long to get back to you but Toricelli called again. It’s here but the bag was buried under the last Kinko copies of our “Secret State-Union Sellout and Cover-up Plan”. Ya know there doesn’t seem to be much bread in that bag! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO.
To: presidentyouknowwho@cwa1234567nj.com
Fr: dcodey1@exec.nj.us
Re: Drop-off Tomorrow
I’ll bring another loaf tomorrow. One other thing. I was thinking ahead. If the Republicans run out of their own bread I foresee they will probably be hungry to subpoena our emails so we better leave out the personal stuff. In the meantime would you order another 500 copies of the “Secret State-Union Sellout and Cover-up Plan?” Keep using the secret email addresses and decoder ring too! Thanks.
